Gary V always says the same thing. His multi-million entrepreneurial success is because he’s “caring.”
“Give a damn,” he says, as he hits his chest. “You gotta care.”
As a caring person, you hear this, and you think, “Perfect, I’m wired for entrepreneurial success.”
Hold your horses, my friend. Like every statement, context matters greatly.
If you haven’t had the success you believe you deserve, and you’ve been a caring person all your life, Gary V’s advise does not work for you. It’s time for you stop doubling down on this “strength” that you have. (He tells you to double down on your strength all the time, so you do! You think that you’ve got to be more caring).
Do you know who his advise is for? It’s for people who are naturally wired to not give a damn. They are “self-centred” people.
You know, those who infuriates you for being “selfish.”
And that’s not you.
Being too caring makes you self-sabotage. It makes you stagnant. It keeps you stuck. Why? Because you’re so “other people” driven, you sacrifice your time and energy, you give more than you get, you compromise, you take on all the grunt work, and you bend over backwards to meet other’s needs.
You have a hard time saying “no.”
You don’t want to admit, but you know you undercharge yourself.
I’m also this caring person and I completely burnt out from giving, delivering, adding value. Even though I was doing well, I was completely exhausted from running my household, raising two kids, and running a 6-figure success coaching practice.
Not to mention, it took me time to get to a stage where my coaching practice got to 6-figures. In the past, I cared too much to be productive. It took me various iterations of giving too much, working with a few clients who were not a fit (which I tried to make it work), and stressing so much over my client’s results.
Caring too much hurts your physiological wellness. I physically burnt out from juggling too much. If you care too much, you’re likely doing too much in your personal life. You put a lot of attention and care. You do most of the child-rearing work. You help your clients emotionally. You end up doing e v e r y t h i n g.
Worse, you take on the responsibility for client’s results, and feel bad or guilty when they don’t grow fast enough.
Caring Too Much Is A Block Against Successful Entrepreneurship Mindset
Quit caring so much!
Do you know what skill you really need to succeed?
You need healthy boundaries. You have to know where your responsibility begins and ends with everyone.
When I say everyone, I don’t just mean prospects and clients, it’s also your spouse, and your children.
You need to learn to manage yourself effectively.
If you’re already caring, stop listening to successful entrepreneurs who were originally wired to not care. Listen carefully to Gary V. He talks about how when he was young, he had the tendency to not give a damn and be willing to be dishonest and really selfish to get what he wants. He credits his parents for teaching him to have ethics, empathy, and to give a damn.
Truth: He was naturally selfish and entitled, and had to face his Shadow-Self. And so do you.
Becoming a successful business woman is not only about “doubling down on your strengths.” It turns out, everyone needs to face their Shadow-Self.
If you’re already wired to care, to please others, and to be the care giver, fixer, face your shadow and learn to become more selfish, while maintaining the caring personality to exhibit when appropriate.
Stop caring so much.
And I mean this.
Your agenda comes before everyone else’s.
You flinch at this. My words trigger an immediate gut-wrenching response: “But that’s so selfish!”
Entrepreneurship is hot and on the rise. I’ve had a slew of women clients who claim to have “money blocks,” “lack clarity,” “imposter syndrome,” “fear of visibility,” “I don’t know my niche.”
None of these things are real issues. The majority of these women’s real problem is the dependency in their personality, and they are trying to compete the market where it’s really about who arrives first, who toots their horn the loudest, who makes themselves look the best (sometimes, even regardless of real skills and experience).
Then there are you and me, who are being modest, supportive, and caring, and it just doesn’t work.
“Dependency?” you might say, “what does business have to do with a term used to describe a dysfunctional marriage or terrible intimate relationship?”
Most people don’t think they are dependent. Not all caring people are dependent, but all dependent people are greatly caring. They need other people to accept them. They need a lot of external validation that they are “good enough.” They look up to others who seem “better” than them, and in turn, undervalue themselves. They are very “others” driven. They are fixers, people-pleasers, who give a lot, then feel resentful about giving too much and not being loved the same way. They are disconnected with their true feelings and needs, and take a while to understand what they really feel. They don’t know how to ask for what they need.
This describes the majority of “over-caring” people who were wired to be “caring” for as long as they can remember. Certainly, these people make up 90% of my clientele who are experiencing business and career issues.
When you’re a fixer, carer, and people-pleaser, you do that exactly that in your business too. You over-care and over-do, get terribly distracted by opinions and noise.
Your goals finish last.
Let this blow your mind. If you often have had dysfunctional, unfulfilling relationships where you gave too much, leaving a relationships doesn’t stop you from being dependent. You need to learn to become more self-aware, from the experiences that you have with others.
Leaving another “problem” human doesn’t change your patterns.
To crush your business, you need to become more “self-centered” and less “other people centered.” You face your “opposite” qualities and embody them more, becoming more “cut-throat,” “cold-hearted,” “business-like.”
“But I don’t want to become that way. That sound terrible.”
Do you want to be an entrepreneur or not?
If you want to be a successful entrepreneur, then you have to adopt a successful entrepreneurship mindset!
You judge the nature of business. That’s why you’re exhausted. You don’t produce. You linger. You ruminate. You live in the past. You worry about how good you are. You spend most of the day serving others, and forget that you actually need to profit.
Until you stop caring so much, you’ll always finish last. As in, you won’t make it. You might be broke. You might get burnt out and get sick. Then you find that all those people you over-cared for are gone in a jiffy as soon as you stop playing that role with them.
Over-caring decreases your value.
Your key to success as a business woman is to quit caring so much, and become more focused on your self-interests.
Building a business of your dreams? Entrepreneurship mindset is not something that we’re all born with. It requires development and constant improvement, because most of our original mental conditioning is programmed to go against it.
To beat your mental blocks that hold you back, read the best-selling, entertaining book, “Am I There Yet?” to learn about what it takes to actually succeed and meet your goals.