People always say things happen at the “worst time.”
You can have a big important event and stub your toe, break your leg, or get sick.
Or maybe you’ve had a big breakthrough at work, only to start having arguments with your partner over something so miniscule.
These things always happen to you.
To everyone really.
You’re probably thinking that this is how life is.
The universe isn’t’ really conspiring against you. As a smart, logical person, you like to think of your circumstances as chance, coincidence, and sometimes, plain bad luck.
But, what if it isn’t?
As a Success Coach specializing in clearing the subconscious mind blocks in my clients, I see a whole different picture.
We’ll illustrate this by looking at my client, Rita.
Rita was really stressed out. When she initially sought my help, she couldn’t even articulate what she was looking for.
She felt very anxious and was stressed out that her business wasn’t growing fast enough.
Affirmations for anxiety, or adopting positive mindset habits like meditation and yoga, were not working for her.
Rita owned a successful retail, brick-and-mortar business. She was taking on a lot of responsibility and pressure around growing her family business to the next level, which meant expanding her current store to the space next door.
During our sessions, she revealed that she suffered from physical pains from two terrible car accidents. With more digging, I discovered that both of the accidents occurred when she was on her way to grow her business. One was a business expansion meeting, and the other a meeting with the bank for a loan.
Part of her initial “stress” was that she started to believe that the business expansion was “not meant to be” for her.
There were invisible forces blocking her.
Not at all.
The subconscious mind works in the most mysterious ways. Coincidences have meanings and explanations, because this deepest part of your mind controls all your actions and circumstances.
Together, we dived into Rita’s subconscious mind to see how to create a reality shift for her.
The goal was to shift her from a state of fear and anxiety, to a mindset of greatness.
In order to change her outcome, Rita needed to learn to control her mind.
A Look At The Upper Level Limit Problem
The Upper Level Limit Problem is a term described by Gay Hendricks in his book, “The Big Leap.”
We all have our thermostat of how much love, wealth, health, and joy we deserve.
In life, contrary to belief, we meet our lowest standard, rather than our highest.
The perceived glass ceiling isn’t enforced by other people. It is created within our own mental limitations of what’s possible for us, and what we deserve.
This mental limitation comes from the fact that the human mind seeks and moves toward what’s familiar.
The standards you create in your life and business are based on what has already been a pattern in your life.
Most people were raised in struggle and conflict. Therefore, struggle feels normal.
It becomes a standard, and the deepest part of your mind is always seeking and moving towards the familiar: struggle and conflict.
You can’t have a moment of peace, nor have everything going right, without waiting for the other shoe to drop.
When the Subconscious Mind Is Addicted to Struggle
When Rita felt great, she had to argue with her husband. When things were going well, she had to pick a fight with her employees. When everything was perfect, and business was about to expand to the next level, she had to physically hurt herself. She didn’t feel deserving of more.
Comfort, with a life of no problems was not something familiar to her. When she found herself in a great place, she had to introduce distractions and problems.
We started by digging around her in her past. That’s when she came across a memory when she was 10 years old.
Rita grew up wealthy. She grew up in an estate with a grandiose home, a large swimming pool, and even a horse to call her own.
She recalled a time when she passed her parents’ bedroom. The door was open ajar. She heard an argument.
Her mother was crying. Her father was angry. There was a heated discussion. Rita couldn’t hear all the words, but she felt very uncomfortable, and for some reason, she felt shame.
She fled to her room. She sat down to play with her dolls, but she couldn’t relax and concentrate on her game. She lied on her bed to read a book, but she still felt very uneasy, and even scared.
Young Rita’s uneasy feelings were right. This was not just any argument that parents have. It was really serious.
Shortly after, Rita’s family lost their estate. They lost a huge amount of their family wealth due to two different conflicts: her father being sued by a former business partner, and her mother losing a large part of her inheritance in a family dispute that lasted over 5 years.
When it rained, it poured for Rita and her family.
Overextending their credit and living at large, without proper financial planning, led Rita’s family to financial ruins.
Her parents couldn’t handle the pressure, and ended up divorcing.
Rita, her sister, and her mother moved into a small apartment. Rita felt shame every single day at school, feeling that her classmates were judging and gossiping about her. She eventually moved school to start over.
Rita worked really hard all her life. Her main desire since her teen years was to never experience financial shame again. She was financially motivated from very early age, and gave her everything.
She bowed to never let her children experience the same thing.
She became an amazing entrepreneur. She attended plenty of therapy, and was diligent with her self-development.
She believed that she had done all the work she needed to do, to overcome the pains of the past.
Yet, the pains of the past were still haunting her. As soon as she started describing the scene of her family losing everything, she started shaking, and broke down in tears.
And there it was. The real issue.
Rita’s Upper Level Limit Was Her Fear of Success
Rita was afraid that if she succeeded too much, things will go wrong, and she will crash hard with so much more to lose, like her father did.
She was afraid that having a lot of wealth will lead to huge family conflicts and disputes, like her mother experienced.
After the inheritance issues, Rita no longer got to see her favorite cousin, until they both passed their 30’s. Rita took the hard initiative, as a part of her healing process, to reach out to talk to her again. It was 20 years of loss for the two cousins, who were once best friends.
As innocent young children, they were suddenly yanked apart from each other, because adult conflict and greed got in the way.
The feeling of fear and shame branched into many different internal subconscious conflicts. Rita was afraid of too much success. She was afraid of more conflict and problems she believed she’ll face, if she succeeds too much.
Her subconscious mind was blocking her. Until she could free herself from the subconscious level, she could not achieve her desired goals. Each time she tried to grow, her subconscious mind had to keep her safe from the dangers of success.
She had to be stopped, every single time.
Rita’s case is the quintessential example of self-sabotage, caused by the Upper Level Limit that is rooted deeply in the fear of success.
HOW RITA OVERCAME THE UPPER LIMIT PROBLEM
Through our continued work together, Rita learned to accept that struggle does not have to be her reality. She learned to see that struggle is something she learned to accept, and even to defend, as an indisputable truth for 40 years of her life.
If you have the sense that you’re constantly running into an invisible glass ceiling, follow the steps that Rita took to change your situation right now:
Learn to Control Your Subconscious Mind and Stop the Self-Sabotage
1. ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT IT FEELS LIKE.
When you are accomplished, you come to believe that you are confident, until you are hit by the challenging fire that comes with growth. You hit this ceiling for reasons rooted in your subconscious. Diving deep to understanding why you’re experiencing this takes so much courage.
The Upper Limit Problem feels like living on the verge. You’re almost there, but not quite able to get it. Don’t expect this “living on the verge” to expire, until you do something radically different. Become good at recognizing it, acknowledging it, take steps to face it, and process it faster.
2. UNDERSTAND THAT EXPERIENCING THE UPPER LEVEL LIMIT IS A NORMAL PART OF EVERY GROWTH JOURNEY, NO MATTER WHAT LEVEL OF SUCCESS YOU’VE HAD.
You may not share Rita’s reasons why you subconsciously fear success, but what everyone shares is that we all have our reasons to believe why further success is not possible for us, why it will hurt us, and why we’re not deserving.
Spend lots of time disconnecting from the bustle and give yourself plenty of time cut off from the chaos, social media, and being busy, so you can turn inwardly and become much more self-aware.
3. BECOME INTERNALLY AWARE OF THE FEELING YOU FEEL.
Self-sabotage often feels like a coincidence, or “not meant to be.”
Self-sabotage can also feel like a desperation for change, such as suddenly wanting to date.
Many even get into destructive relationships, where it takes them away from the success they’ve been building.
Check in with your feelings, and be sure to give yourself breaks, and nurture your spirit with people who really believe in you, and share your mission.
4. INCREASE YOUR “FEEL GOOD” TOLERANCE.
This is a crucial step to releasing your patterns of normalizing struggle.
Let go of expecting life to be hard and complicated.
Instead, choose simple processes, interactions, and relationships. Choose simple joys. Celebrate simple successes.
Stating your gratitude daily works great, but also, set your new standard to life being simple, including your growth, sales process, and NEVER needing to over-explain to fight for your life to get something in return.
5. WORK HARD, BUT DON’T STRUGGLE.
You are exactly where you need to be to level up and upgrade to the next level.
When you don’t see your next level as “something huge,” you’re less likely going to feel so much pressure.