Forgiveness is hard.
Especially when you’re the one in the right.
A few years ago, I felt I couldn’t handle the business on my own. So I did what so many overwhelmed entrepreneurs did…I found myself a business partner. He was amazing at positioning himself to others.
He appeared accomplished. He was very persuasive. I trusted him. But soon I noticed that things weren’t quite right.
Clients trusted him, not me, even though I was the expert in sales, and living and breathing many of the solutions that we were providing to our clients. At first I thought it was because our personalities were so different. It was why I thought he’d make a good business partner in the first place.
Within a few months, it became obvious that he was undermining me, never finishing his promised obligations on time, all while tearing me down in a hundred subtle ways that were not immediately noticeable.
I was the one prospecting, closing all the sales, and delivering solutions to the clients with him, and he was taking half the profit.
That wasn’t the worst part.
When this topic came up, he didn’t seem to appreciate the effort. He justified that he had too much going on in his life.
Furious and betrayed didn’t even begin to describe how I was feeling.
When we ended our partnership a few months later, he got to keep ALL the clients. The worst feeling? He did a horrible, half-assed job at helping them. The clients I cared deeply about.
Talk about devastation.
I didn’t even realize how much I was being “done wrong” until it was all over.
I was uncomfortable. I was not happy, but I did not process the months with this business partner as being “done wrong,” until I have worked on the negative feelings around the past many months of struggle.
To develop a mindset for success, you have to learn to process these emotions quickly, and move on. But first, I had to deep work on myself.
Doing my deep work meant that I had to understand why my subconscious programming allowed this to happen, and what I needed to learn from this event and person.
Forgiveness is necessary because the very process is about learning how to alchemize the experience to accelerate to the next level.
A true entrepreneur learns to process these emotions quickly, and move on. That’s how you develop the mindset of a winner. I’m happy to say, I continued on by creating an amazing new program where I can deliver a high performance mindset for my clients on my own.
The secret of learning how to control your mind is in realizing that every mess is an opportunity for growth. We cannot fully grow and learn from it until we fully release the ruminating negative feelings that run like a deep internal cycle.
Resentment holds you back and keeps you in that same old energy, you stay stuck, and you don’t progress.
When you give yourself the mindset of greatness, good things come your way. You’re light, buoyant and able to notice, and let in great new opportunities.
When you forgive, it’s for you, not them. It doesn’t mean you condone or forget about their actions. It’s a release. It’s a gift for you.
What Is Actually Going On When People Do You Wrong?
When people do you wrong, it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person, although, your mind will try to convince you in every way that they are an inferior human being. Instead, understand that every single person you come across, including yourself, is having a series of emotional episodes.
When you hold onto being in the right, being better, or want to cling onto believing that you’ve been done wrong, you can’t move on. This is a very painful state that seems like it is helping you, but it actually puts you in a victim mode.
Every single person comes into our life to be a value in some way. They cross paths with us to shine light on an aspect of us that needs attention for improvement: to learn, to grow, and even to celebrate the wonderful parts of us that were once a blind spot.
How to Forgive the Unforgivable
Here are easy steps to start forgiving, and alchemizing the experience into what helps you.
- Ask yourself: What are the key important insights that you learned from this experience?
- Knowing what you know now, how would you resolve this issue before it escalates?
- What did this experience show you about yourself?
I realized in my forgiveness process that I needed this experience with my business partner for several reasons:
- I needed to see that I didn’t need a partner, because everything I was doing was something I was able to deliver on my own. This shined light on my own self-doubt, and my own talent that I had neglected to see.
- Being too caring and understanding is a self-sabotage. No matter what someone says, believe their actions, and put an end to a negative dynamic right away. Don’t please a situation that continues to hurt you.
- Always put yourself first.