“The real definition of Hell:

The last day you have on Earth, the person you became will meet the person you could have become.” – Anonymous

You’ve been chasing. A dream. A possibility.

You think that if you could work from home, work from anywhere, you’re going to be happy.

You think that if you didn’t have an annoying boss and a long commute, you’ll be living the life.

You think that if you had money and could travel around the world, you’ll have “made it.”

So you take tons of courses, trainings, seminars, masterminds, and kept chasing this “dream”…

Everyone is telling you that if you buy their system, their method, their course, implement just this ONE thing, you’ll be living your dreams.

You’ll be happy.

You’ll be fulfilled.

All your problems will be solved.

Only, it’s been going nowhere.

Shiny Object Syndrome is when you think you’re just one thing away from magically getting your goal. It feels hopeful.

This hope keeps you doing the same thing that keeps you stuck.

There is no Hope in Hope.

Hope is the ultimate hamster wheel. Every time you invest, it gives you another shred of hope, and the illusion that the pain will be soon over. 

You’ve been looking for certainty in a course, a mentor, or some successful looking person, because you don’t know how to create certainty in you.

Deep inside, you feel confused, riddled with self-doubt, and you’re dying to prove yourself. 

In 2016, I got into this same pattern, and if this is you now, I can tell you that you’ve been doing all this completely backwards.

It took me tens and thousands of dollars, and more importantly, too much of my precious time, to realize that money, a flexible schedule, and “work from anywhere” lifestyle was what I thought I wanted, but not actually what my heart was after. 

If you’re currently chasing, you’ve got to believe me that even I got all those things, the shitty feelings didn’t go away.

In fact, they got worse.

And I’m not the only one. I was just one of too many who suffer from this same problem.

Over the years, I’ve worked with incredible clients with all the money they could ever want to consider themselves as a success, but once they get there, they felt even emptier, and completely self-sabotaged. 

  • Sam, who jumped from one job to a brand new shiny one, still found that waking up in the morning was the worst experience of the day.
  • Jeremy, who after getting to $80,000/month in e-commerce, lost motivation, became deflated, and quit. He killed his thriving store.
  • Lina, who became a digital marketer making $15,000/month, felt “strange coincidences” getting in the way, burnt out, got depressed, started traveling around the world to “find” herself, but during this internally messy period, started losing her important clients.
  • Genevieve, who copied her mentor and got into lead generation, made 5 figures a month, but got exhausted from constantly getting distracted from her “strange” desire to do something different that “makes no money.”
  • Max, who has 5 coaching certifications, could barely sustain a clientele. He believed he needed yet another certification to fix this.
  • Justice, who became a realtor, then a financial advisor, still couldn’t get motivated in the business and make her goals, no matter how many Tony Robbins videos and self-dev courses.
  • Emma, who was sitting on 5 different “perfect courses by experts,” claimed to have an excellent mindset, except she had no life results to show for. 

*names have all been altered for client privacy.

You may think that you have a problem that no one else has, but that’s only true in your own bubble. What you’re experiencing is an extremely common issue, and in this info age of silver bullets, shiny objects, and endless magic pills, the symptom of being a lifelong chaser will keep getting worse.

Stop thinking so black and white.

Stop relying on extrinsic forces to fix it all for you.

What is the solution?

Instead of chasing a lifestyle, money, and a murky image of you as a success, you need to…

  1. First, become clear of what you want to be known for;
  2. What legacy you want to leave behind,
  3. And according to above points, what success looks like, according to you.

And from here, reverse engineer your life. 

You need to focus on understanding what you’re meant to do here, and strategically channel yourself towards that direction. In this process, you have to face great loss and grieve through cutting out other options, distractions, including “opportunities,” relationships, and what you believe makes up your identity.

Here’s what I advise, which goes against the current popular opinion:

  • You may not need to quit your 9-5;
  • You never want to throw away your decades of experience for this “new life.”
  • The perfect success formula is when all your life experiences, even the insignificant ones, the painful ones, and the biggest problems you faced, your greatest natural success, all become a part of this purpose.
  • To have your greatest life, you have to work through the shame of the past and show up as your True Self.

Real success begins when you align with your True Self. This is not who you currently believe you are, because you have learned to believe in an identity that is according to your Conditioning.

Especially if you have experienced trauma or a difficult childhood, your brain get even more wired towards protection, about protecting Conditioning, rather than your True Self. You betray your True Self for Conditioning, and this has been your lifelong habit.

You have been defining success and life milestones based on what Conditioning made you believe, and now you believe that this is your identity.

You’ve been ignoring your innermost wisdom and power. Family dynamics, society, the school system, and culture, beat you down and conditioned you to suppress these powers at very early ages, and you’re not even in touch with who you are meant to become.

You have inklings. When you feel them, you’re afraid.

Everyone knows what their purpose and calling is. Everyone knows who they are meant to be here, but it’s easier to think that they don’t know.

Knowing equals to facing a lot of pain, shame, and pressure. It’s easier to remain stuck.

You won’t feel successful and fulfilled one magical day, when you’re at a later life stage, better financial state, or have more experience. Unless you act now and align, that day in the future will never come. 

When you live as your True Self, you won’t put in years of focus, energy, and push, then come out feeling empty on the other side. This isn’t your current reality.

Remaining stuck and struggling is always an option, and a familiar option for you.

To break this cycle, you need to stop being who you’ve been. Conventional wisdom has been keeping you stuck.

Being yourself is lip service. Being yourself, according to Conditioning, is only when it’s convenient.

Possibilities according to Conditioning has been the limit that you are not even aware of.

Realism has been your biggest enemy.

Stop investing in trainings and courses. You’ve been fixing the wrong problem.

Instead, what if someone could crack you open, lay out your Conditioning, take you into the deepest level of your mind, and otherwise inaccessible parts of yourself, and show you who you are and who you’re meant to be, at the deepest level?

This is where real life begins.

About the Author:

Hi, I’m Julia Cha and I am an Executive and Business Support Coach, working with high-achieving professionals and consultants.

I started coaching in 2016, after 4 years of mentorship with an accomplished and seasoned coach and therapist of 30 years who specializes working with tech entrepreneurs and consultants. I have worked with clients in more than 10 countries, across all continents except Antartica!

I am based in Vancouver, Canada, and I continue to work closely with all my international clientele.

You can download my Legacy Worksheet to map out your current direction in your career, and gain clarity on moving forward.

Or schedule a call to discuss your specific situation and my solutions for aligning with your thing, and living a satisfied life of passion, purpose, work-life integration and fulfilment.